Law #8: KEEP YOUR BUTT HOT AND HEALTHY

We know that achieving the perfect backside is the goal of many Vanity Girls. But it extends beyond squatting for those coveted curves and the right kind of jiggle. Today we're also talking about keeping things beautiful and healthy on the inside—because everybody goes.

Let's make sure our butts are as shapely, fit, and healthy as possible.

Workouts. Once upon a time, big butts were not considered sexy in "mainstream" beauty circles. And then JLo hit the scene, and everyone went crazy for curves. And since glutes are the body's biggest muscle group, you even burn more calories when you have a big, toned booty. The trick is in isolating the right muscles.

Shapewear. Women of all sizes use shapewear to keep things smooth, lifted, and in some cases, padded. It can give you a little more confidence underneath your fit. Consider edging (no bulges for you, Vanity Girl), the roll-down factor, and a peehole. Kim Kardashian has notoriously held her pee for hours because she was strapped into her outfit, just so.

Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are common in men and women and affect about 1 in 20 Americans. Almost half of adults older than age 50 have hemorrhoids. And if you have ever had them, then you know. The discomfort, pain, and bleeding can definitely negatively impact your life. Pregnancies, weight gain, and even lifting heavy weights can cause or exacerbate them. Sometimes they resolve on their own, and sometimes you need to seek over-the-counter treatments and something more surgical.

Colorectal Cancer. Also known as colon cancer, it affects both men and women. It's the second leading cancer killer in the United States but can be treated if found early. This is a cancer where screening saves lives. If you find a precancerous polyp soon, a doctor can remove it before it turns cancerous.

Surgery. In addition to surgeries to deal with medical issues like polyp removals, there are surgeries to address aesthetics, such as the uber-popular Brazilian Butt Lift, aka BBL.

Constipation. This is one of the most common digestive problems and affects about 16% of adults. As you get older, the figure continues to increase. If you find yourself with hard, dry bowel movements or go only three times or less a week, then you are suffering from constipation. It can be a sign of IBS, which may exacerbate hemorrhoids if you strain hard during a movement. Everything is linked.

Prolapse. Rectal prolapse is a condition where the rectum starts to push out of the body. Women over 50 are more likely than men to have this condition, ranging from mild to severe. Severe cases may require surgery. Sometimes someone may confuse rectal prolapse with hemorrhoids.

1. Work those glutes. Who doesn't want a bubble butt these days? It's all about isolating the right muscles. This workout and this machine claim to do just that. And this one keeps your form focused on the glues and not developing big thighs. And why not master the belfie to show off your gains? 

2. Pick the perfect shapewear. Shapewear can be an instant confidence booster when it comes to your backside. Generally, you want to get that waist as tiny as possible while your booty creates those curves. These promise to lift your butt. Here is an option if you want to add more shape to your shape. 

3. Handle those hemorrhoids. If you find yourself with a bad case of hemorrhoids, you want to treat those as soon as possible. First, don't strain. That will only make things worse. And this doctor suggested not overcleaning. If possible, you want to jump in a shower after a movement vs. rubbing vigorously with toilet paper. You may want to invest in something like this to help gravity do the work for you. Over-the-counter treatments can include something like this and this. And if things get terrible, then hemorrhoid options may be the route for you. And simple things like the right amount of fiber and plenty of water will also help. 

4. Book your colonoscopy. Colorectal cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer if caught early. CDC guidelines suggest that you get your first one at age 45. Then, it can be anywhere from 3 - 10 years until you need your next one, depending on what the doctor finds. Many say the prep is worse than the procedure, although you will need someone to pick you up from your appointment. 

5. Take care of your gut. Some call the gut the 2nd brain. Keeping your gut balanced will help with everything, including healthy movements. And, you will keep bloating to a minimum, giving you that snatched waistline everyone wants. IBS and Chron's are two conditions that start in the gut. Here are some tips on keeping your gut healthy, including getting enough sleep and addressing any anxiety or depression you might be experiencing. 

6. Spice things up. With over 8,000 nerve endings, anal sex and anal play might be something you want to explore, and there are ways to do that right. Whole sections of this popular store are dedicated to that posterior, and you want to make sure you play safely. Maybe you aren't ready to go that far, so lingerie designed to show off your assets might be more your speed. 

"They would never say to a guy, 'Your d—k is really big.'"

- Jennifer Lopez to Variety on how much directors would talk about her butt

“So I've suffered with bloating for many years on and off. Initially, when I first got diagnosed with IBS I was given Buscopan & told to see how I get on. I refused to take them. I wasn't satisfied with the response I got and decided to get to the root of the problem. I did this through looking at what I was consuming. WE ARE WHAT WE EAT.”

- Alexandra Cane

"I love curves, but I don't love my butt and my hips being so big. I totally have insecurities."

- Kim Kardashian to PEOPLE

“So I'm making a promise now to all of my followers that I will be more open and honest and not always show the 'good' 'happy' 'perfect' parts of me & my life.”

- Lucy Mecklenburgh

"The most gratifying experience I've ever had is when someone tells me they were screened for #ColonCancer and it saved their life. It does and it will.

- Katie Couric

“I don't like a clever toilet looking at our butts.”

- Emma Donoghue

“I like big butts and I can not lie.”

- Sir Mix-A-Lot 

We take the bottom line seriously around here. A recent bout of hemorrhoids sent two staffers to the doctor to handle the pain and explore medical options if needed. A colonoscopy is up next.

As for the shape of things, squats, lunges, weights, and Pilates are the strength training of choice. Many agree that hiking hills and stairs are great for the entire posterior chain.

There is no reversal to keeping your backside strong, shapely, and healthy.